I have not taken a moment to really reflect on the situation that happened a couple weeks ago and I have realized that I am keeping myself real busy and not giving myself a moment to think. I finally sat myself down and thought about it all and I am extremely sad. I guess it was freaking out people that the next day I was no longer crying. I hopped out of bed and went to work and when I walked in I got a hug from every co worker. It hurt, I did not want to remember but it was hard because it kept being brought up. Finally I left work and I called my mom while I was at the park and just hearing her voice and her worry made me cry... I broke down again. Just typing about it makes me sad. My dad left us for a week and helped my family in El Salvador who needed him more than any of us here. The death, the murder of my brother has left us in not the best mood for these "happy holidays." As far as it goes for my dad, he is hurting and its hurting me because I have never seen my dad like this. He said he did not feel like really celebrating the holidays and we have decided to be very low key this year. I understand.
I can definitely say that 2008 has been a bad year for me. Not only has it been a horrible year economically but also emotionally. I was heart broken from that one person I thought would never break my heart. Over. Three years of my life down the drain. I am too young to know what love is many say but if it hurts this bad now and this is not love, I do not want to love.
Oh 2008 you have brought me my first real emotional breakdown. I have pretty bad mood swings at times but I have never collapsed on the floor before to tell you the truth. Looking back at it now it is quite scary what happened that morning.
But I will not sit here and say it was all bad. Not at all. I graduated from community college and was accepted to very great universities and I am now a junior at CSUF. I also was given the opportunity to have great people around me for most of the year. Given tragedies it is easy to see who really are your friends. Thanks to all of you who stuck with me through the hard times I really do appreciate it. I also had a once in a lifetime opportunity to fly to the East coast and be in the city of brotherly love and hang with unforgettable people. Thank you.
I know I have been gone for a long while and this is not the best way to come back but I do feel better that I am taking the time and letting all this out there. Now I will sit here and finish the last of my christmas cards and get ready to send out. Have a great one.
(Pictures:My nephew, my niece, my brother's grave, my graduation, philly trip)
1 comment:
Hey there! Wow.. this was deep. I literally had no idea on your situation there with your family, you should've told me sooner. Write me on Yahoo when ya get a chance, you're than I would be during that time. Here's to you getting through this and remembering the good times instead of bad. I know that's easy for me to say.
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